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  • Writer's pictureGeorge Wang

How I experience things emotionally

Everyone experiences emotions differently. Each of our emotions are triggered by different things to different extents. For me, I may have a particularly unusual way of experiencing things emotionally.

When it comes to most things, I am indifferent and unbothered. A lot of things just don't feel meaningful to me, so I don't see any benefits in reacting to them. More importantly, I don't experience an innate compulsion to react to them, so I end up not reacting to a lot of things. For example, I don't react to little painful events, such as getting a cut or a burn in the kitchen, bumping my head or shoulder around the house, or somehow stubbing my toes or fingers. Why would I scream or cry or curse? I don't get anything out of that. I experience the pain either way. My life doesn't get better from reacting to those things. Why wouldn't I be nonchalant? I am okay enough; if I needed help, I would go find help. Similarly, I don't care about what people think or say. Anyone can make any comment of any kind on any topic and I would not be bothered. If it is interesting, I might have a conversation about it, as I often have my own ideas, opinions, and questions. In general, I am interested in different perspectives and hearing people's ideas. However, for me to actually be bothered by comments, a very high level of intimacy with the person making the comments is required. Even then, it would depend on what exactly is said and ultimately, I still wouldn't be that bothered. Interestingly, achievements, successes, failures, and defeats do not bother me either. I am not emotionally affected by "good" grades or "bad" grades. I wasn't ecstatic when I was accepted into university or won whatever awards. I don't remember loving winning Taekwondo tournaments or hating losing matches. When I genuinely want to do something, I just go ahead and do it. Whatever happens happens and I accept the results. When I like the results, it only gets as high as a "that's nice". There isn't euphoria or an incredible sense of accomplishment. It's a simple acknowledgement of "that happened and I liked the way it played out". When I don't like the results, I don't feel anything; I feel complete indifference. I learn from the experience and keep living my life. I suppose things just generally don't feel like a "big deal" to me.

Another reason that I stay unbothered is simply due to a lot of inner peace and calmness. The more you understand and accept your true inner self, the less the external factors influence you emotionally - the less they influence you overall.

There are some basic things that feel meaningful and/or beautiful, which contribute significantly to my sense of fulfillment. However, these things do not trigger strong emotions either; they are my basic everyday things after all. There are rare instances where I have been reduced to tears by the beauty of my life, such as watching the sunrise after a nice morning swim.

For common experiences, like activities that I like or enjoyable time with people that I like, I do get more joy and happiness. These experiences usually do not result in stronger emotional responses either, and they may or may not contribute more to my sense of fulfillment than the basic things.

Weather and other environmental factors are important for my emotional experience. They set the the extent of the highs and the lows for the basic range of emotions I feel from previous aspects mentioned.

There are times where I experience emotions more intensely. For those moments, I think I feel more deeply than the typical person. One category of these moments would be movies, shows, professional sports, music, art, and clothing. I see these things almost as "outside real life". They are abstract concepts as opposed to external factors. I open myself up to feel them intensely, as a way to appreciate them and to get the most out of them. For example, I think Ted Lasso and Bojack Horseman are masterpieces. I cried so many times while watching these shows. They made me feel all sorts of ways, riding a rollercoaster of emotions. I have also put on outfits and looked at myself in the mirror, thinking about how beautiful it is. I have even shed tears from how perfect Berbatov's first touches are.

The other category of things that trigger intense emotions is the things that feel extraordinarily meaningful and/or beautiful. They are experiences that I naturally and uncontrollably feel way beyond the normal range. This category features moments of being in love, getting heartbroken, and intimate and memorable bonding experiences with friends and family. These are typically rare experiences, which also could be a factor in why they make me feel intense emotions.

Lastly, there are certain emotions that I just don't feel (or feel very rarely at a negligible level). These include anger, jealousy, and spite. This is once again due to my inner peace and acceptance of myself. I don't enjoy feeling those emotions. They never felt meaningful nor beautiful, so they never contributed to my sense of fulfillment; they never made my life better. I recognized this many years ago and stopped experiencing those feelings slowly over time.

Overall, there are emotions that I have learned to logic out of, allowing me to be very indifferent and unbothered; there are emotions that I open myself up to, allowing me to fully enjoy and appreciate the abstract concepts outside of "real life"; and there are intense emotions that I am unable to logic my way out because they feel extraordinarily meaningful and/or beautiful, allowing me to clearly recognize the special moments in my life and truly cherish those experiences.

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